This book will speak to your desires to love more generously — and to be open to such love in return. — Mary Stommes
Do you have grandchildren? Are you a grandchild? If so, Kathy Coffey’s new book A Generous Lap: A Spirituality of Grandparenting is for you or for someone you love.
In her charming and inspiring reflections, Coffey reflects on how this station in life may expand our hearts, enlarge our humanity, put us in touch with fundamental aspects of our selves and allow opportunities for a more generous and fruitful life.
Coffey is the author of 16 books, including her Orbis bestseller, Hidden Women of the Gospels. But in this book she draws on her particular experience as the grandmother of six. As she notes: “God uses this period in human life to transform us. The most cantankerous introverts pull out the photos, cute sayings and stories. Those who thought their physical ailments were paralyzing spring after the toddler heading for the street or hoist aging bodies up the jungle gym when a grandchild quails at the terrifying steepness of the slide. As ‘the child grows in wisdom, age, and grace,’ we get to marvel, and gradually grow into God’s loving self.”
The tone of the book is well set by the cover art by Brother Mickey McGrath, “Jesus Has a Sleepover with his Grandparents: Sts. Ann and Joachim.” In one chapter Coffey draws on biblical stories and lives of the saints, but also includes wisdom from figures such as Pope Francis recalling the influence of his Nonna Rosa, or stories of Dorothy Day, Black Elk, or the testimonies of “seasoned experts” about what they have learned from their own experience as grandparents.
While the book is filled with practical suggestions and questions for reflection, the heart of the book is the spirituality of grandparenting, especially in Coffey’s chapter “Who They Are for Us.” “Of course the intangibles are impossible to chart,” she notes, “but the grandchildren really do teach me to be kind and more compassionate, as I’ve wanted for years to become. … We can learn from them to be less thinking, analytical, judgmental, and how to simply rejoice in the moment that’s given right now.” The lessons continue, enlivened by innumerable stories: “When Jesus calls us God’s gift to God, maybe he saw us as we do our grandchildren. We’re not important to God because of what we’ve achieved, but simply for who we are, the focus of unremitting love. … Just as monasteries were the ‘school of love’ for many, especially during the Middle Ages, so too grandparenting is a school of love. … As people age, it may be tempting to dwell in the dear, familiar past. But gently, with jammy hands, grandchildren turn our faces toward the future.”
Part of the equation is also “Who We Are for Them:” “Something is so natural about grandparenting that it’s primal. What we give children that’s more important than anything verbal is the always welcoming, ‘ginormous’ hug, the delight in seeing them even if they’re head-to-toe covered in mud, sand, or jelly; the affirmation that no matter how small you are (or how annoyingly adolescent) you matter to me, you are important, you are dear as life’s blood.”
As a recent grandfather myself, I can add my personal endorsement! But as writer Mary Stommes notes, “Whether or not you have ever held a grandchild in your lap, this book will speak to your desires to love more generously — and to be open to such love in return.”
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